Final Parody: The Greatest and worst Hits
by A. James Robin
Summary: This is a collection of some of my best parodies. Trust me, i've got tons of them. I parody a lot of pop, rock, and country classics, but i mainly work with Christian tunes, because it's what i grew up listening to. Please review!
1. She's Alive

**She's Alive- A parody of "He's Alive" by Don Francisco**

_This song describes what would have happened if Aerith from Final Fantasy VII had risen from the dead._

Last night, I closed my eyes,  
But I swore I'd never dream.  
I chanted deep inside my head,  
"This can't be what it seems."  
But still the fear of Sephiroth  
Beat down upon my chest,  
And I cried when I remembered  
Laying Aerith to rest.

Just about the stroke of midnight,  
I heard someone at the door.  
I bellowed out, "Just go away!",  
But my feet fell to the floor.  
I hurried to the entrance,  
With my sword clenched in my fist,  
Knowing good and well that  
I was next on Sephy's list.

But it was just Barret and Tifa,  
So I kindly let them in.  
Barret stood beside her  
As he told me where they'd been  
They said that they had witnessed  
A bright and shiny light  
As it hovered oe'r the place where I had  
Fought that useless fight.

We all ran toward the church,  
But I rushed on ahead  
The flowers were still blooming,  
Just the way that Aerith said  
But instead of steady ripples  
In the Lifestream where she lay,  
There was just an eerie calm,  
Much like the one before the fray.

Oh something odd had happened there,  
But what I did not know.  
Tifa believed a miracle,  
But I just turned to go  
Even if she had risen,  
I still feel empty within,  
Because I'd left her helpless  
As Sephy put the deathblade in.

Back inside my house again,  
The guilt and anguish came.  
The fact that I'd rejected her  
Just added to my shame  
When I had to face the memory,  
I denied I knew Her name  
And even if she was alive,  
Things could never be the same

But suddenly the air was filled  
With that special flower scent.  
Light came from everywhere  
And I finally took a hint  
Aerith stood before me  
With her arms held open wide  
And I fell down on my knees  
And I just clung to Her and cried

Then She raised me to my feet  
And as I looked into Her eyes  
The love was shining out from Her  
Like clouds within the skies  
The Guilt of my rejection  
Is something I'll never miss.  
And I won't forget the moment  
When I felt her tender kiss.

She's alive, yes She's alive  
Aerith Gainsborough is risen,  
Now the Lifestream's open wide,  
She's alive yes She's alive  
Oh Aerith Gainsborough is risen,  
Now the Lifestream's open wide,

She's alive, yes She's alive  
Aerith Gainsborough is risen,  
Now the Lifestream's open wide,  
She's alive yes She's alive


	2. Can't Take Away The Sword

Note: This parody is in the point of view of Cloud Strife, talking about how Yuffie always steals his stuff.

**Can't Take Away The Sword- A parody of "Can't Take Away The Lord" by Larry Norman**

Yuffie took away my gil,

Took away my life,

Yuffie took my ID card

That was labeled 'Cloud Strife'.

Yuffie took my Phoenix Down,

Just 'cause she was bored,

But she can't take away the sword.

(Now listen, girl…)

You just can't take away my shirt

Or a ShinRa book

If you wanna do hard time,

I'll never let you off the hook.

'Cause you can't take away my shield,

Can't take Tifa's store,

And you can't take away the sword.

Well it makes me, and it saves me,

(bah, bah, bah…)

And she follows after.

Everytime it swings,

She fills with laughter,

Cuttin' through the spirit,

Soon, she'll learn to fear it.

If she had to pay the bill

For the things she got,

She wouldn't be nice and cheery,

Oh, you know she'd come undone.

She could'a took away my gil,

When she was being bored,

But she can't take away the sword.

(No, No, No, No…)

You'll never take away

My sweet reward,

'Cause you can't take away the sword.


	3. Cloud's Choice

Note: This parody is about Cloud's agonizing decision between Tifa and Aeris. This is probably my favorite parody next to She's Alive. The folk stylings of Jars Of Clay makes for very good parodies.

**Cloud's Choice- A parody of "Something Beautiful" by Jars Of Clay**

If they put their arms around me,

It wouldn't change the way I feel.

It was wrong of me to think

That one of them could love their way in.

Tifa knows I have a past,

And Aeris will not last.

Neither one will kiss me

Good enough to help me figure out

Which one to choose.

So I will fly,

And hope my heart

Leads me to a place that's empty.

But for now, I'm leaving

I've got to make the choice alone.

When I got Tifa's affections,

It wasn't what it should have been.

But there's no reason to believe

That Aeris could do better still.

If there was just someone out there

That could understand me,

And still love me despite

The fact that i'm guilty and shallow.

I've been waiting for a girl like that.

So I will fly,

And hope my heart

Leads me to a place that's empty.

But for now, I'm leaving

I've got to make the choice alone.

Someday, I'll find this girl I want

But will it change a single thing,

Or will I still have feelings for

Aeris or Tifa…

…Leading where I was before?


	4. Defending

Note: This parody is about how Yuffie's kleptomaniac tendencies could come in the way between her and a possible pairing with Vincent.

**Defending- A parody of "Pretending" by Out Of The Grey**

Yuffie was blue,

And Vincent was too

And so they went

Together on a date.

He caught a glimpse

Of her sweet eyes

Now he's in love,

He has to decide.

He thought she'd changed

Her thieving ways.

I guess he was just

Defending.

Yuffie tried to

Be good, but she knew

Her thieving was more

Than something she could lose.

He saw her lies

Then changed his mind,

But he did not

Know about her excuse.

It's a mental thing,

She explained,

But he thought she was

Defending.

It's so unfair,

Vincent don't care.

Whether she can help herself or not.

What he can't see

Is the real me

Can we be forgiven for

Defending?


	5. Don't Fear The ShinRa

Note: This parody is about Avalanche.

**Don't Fear The ShinRa- A parody of "Don't Fear The Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult**

Avalanche has come.

We must stop ShinRa.

Barret didn't fear the ShinRa,

Not even if they put him in jail.

Come on, Tifa,

Baby, take a stand,

Are you ready to die,

For Sector Seven?

Daily, fires go up.

ShinRa burns Mako.

ShinRa suits are foolish men,

They harvest Mako to fill their greed.

They're taking the whole planet's life away.

The more they get, the more they seem to want to have.

Before Midgar is an empty place,

Come on, Tifa,

Baby, take a stand,

Are you ready to die,

For Sector Seven?

Someday, we'll run out,

Then we'll be without.

This Mako hunting is madness.

The planet dies if the spirit is gone.

ShinRa's not the one that you should fear.

Sephiroth will deal with them, dear.

He can certainly do something more severe.

Come on, Tifa,

Baby, take a stand,

Are you ready to die,

For Sector Seven?


	6. I Don't Fight

Note: This parody is about the fact that Aeris is not a good fighter in battles.

**The Aeris Problem- A parody of "I'm Alright" by Jars Of Clay**

It was my mother that led me to Cloud,

And it's the love of him that keeps me around.

I used to stand, with a ribbon in my hair,

On the roads of the slums, selling flowers to passerby.

When the battle looks dim, I can always heal him.

At least I serve a purpose, so I can come along.

But when he deals out damage, it hurts for like 200,

And when I do the same thing, it only hurts for 10.

So I don't fight,

No I don't fight.

I don't fight,

Yeah, I don't fight.

Baby, I don't fight.

No, I don't fight.

No, No..

If you deal the damage, then surely we can manage,

But if I was much stronger, then I could help you fight.

You must really love me to put me in your party,

And if you keep on loving, then I just might get strong.

(Repeat Chorus Twice)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Na, Na, Na…


	7. Safer Sephiroth

Note: This parody is about the death of Aeris.

**Safer Sephiroth- A parody of "Smooth Criminal" by Michael Jackson**

As he came into the mountain, heard the sound of Aeris praying

Then he sneaked up behind her, smelled the flowers, and he lost it.

She was sitting at the temple, she was praying for a Holy.

Suddenly, she was run through. She was face down, and not breathing.

Aeris are you OK, you OK, you OK, Aeris? (Repeat 4x)

Aeris sells flowers. She's a good girl with a calling.

She's one of the Cetra, and she wants to talk with the planet.

But he came and stopped it, left the blood stains on the sword blade.

And then she dropped her materia. It was worthless, 'far as she knew.

Aeris are you OK, you OK, you OK, Aeris? (Repeat 3x)

You've been hit by, you've been struck by, Safer Sephiroth.

Impaled on a long blade, it was bloody, Masamune.

Then he wouldn't stop smiling, and he said he was a one-winged angel.

Aeris are you OK, you OK, you OK, Aeris? (Repeat 4x)

Cloud saw the damage, then he held her, it was too late.

Then he cried to the angel who was laughing like a maniac.

Then he vanished entirely, leaving him to feel sorry.

Tifa consoled him, but he still thought he could save her.

Aeris are you OK, you OK, you OK, Aeris?

You've been hit by, you've been struck by, Safer Sephiroth.


	8. The Memetic Legacy

Note: This parody is about the calamity known as Jenova, and the experiments that followed her arrival.

**The Memetic Legacy- a parody of "Cecilia" by Simon and Garfunkel**

Jenova,

Flew down from the stars

And landed on this world we live in.

Now the ShinRa

Have taken her in,

And Gast has a plan for her soul.

Lucretia,

Was chosen at last,

Although she was living with Vincent,

To carry

A baby boy

Filled with Jenova's legacy.

She's not proud.

So it was, oh, Hojo knew.

Where was Vincent? Laying down in the tomb.

Sephiroth became so great,

But Cloud was so weak, he was named a mistake.

Jenova,

Still flows through the ones

Who formed a small group called SOLDIER.

Her memetic

Legacy lived

And flowed through the spirit lifestream

Forever.

Until Cloud Strife

Destroyed Sephiroth,

By a spell called Holy.

And then Aeris,

A Cetra at heart,

Was able to finish the job.


	9. Mako Eyes

Note: This parody is about Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo from Advent Children.

**Mako Eyes- A parody of "Hollow Eyes" by Petra**

Another day on the Sector streets,

The trio won't be fed.

Their plans fail,

Their wealth run dry.

Kadaj is seeing red.

Has mother died,

As Loz cries,

Yazoo is staring down.

They're wondering

What Jenova brings.

Is she really here at all?

Do you dare

To stare into

Their Mako eyes?

Are they stirring

Fear in you

With their Mako eyes?

In the riverbed,

The children cup their hands

To partake a Mako treat.

The water drains

Their souls of heat,

Leaving ice where fire should be.

Kadaj knew

How this would be.

He's glad to finally see

That after heartache, pain, and grief,

Their plan has worked with ease.

Do you dare

To stare into

Their Mako eyes?

Are they stirring

Fear in you

With their Mako eyes?

The least of these is hungry

To show their plan is sick.

The least of these is knowing

That one day Cloud will sink.

The least of these is hollow,

And empty to the brink.

The least of these is half insane,

And Yazoo is his name.

Do you dare

To stare into

His Mako eyes?

Is he stirring

Fear in you

With his Mako eyes?


	10. Reunion Rhapsody

Note: This parody is designed to be a grand new theme for the mighty Sephiroth.

**Reunion Rhapsody- A parody of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen**

This is for real guys,

Our final fantasy.

'Cause of his strong eyes,

No one's safe from his grand scheme.

Open your eyes,

Look into mine, and see,

I'm filled with Mako,

I am artillery,

And I'm looking for

Mother's head.

Interfere,

You'll be dead.

And when we have one, we'll

Fly off into space again…

…Again.

Mother

Of all nomads.

You will come again, with help.

I will follow every step.

Mother,

Cloud is fighting us,

And soon, he's gonna know

We're not ashamed.

Mother, ooh,

He's a Soldier, just like me.

He's really hard to kill,

But I am different.

I will win once again,

'Cause I wanna see you badly.

Kadaj,

Your time has come.

You're perfect for the job.

Bring him here,

So I can fight him.

Hello, everybody,

Behold my son.

He will lead the way,

The stigma oozing through.

Come out, ooh,

I'll never become

A memory,

And that's my final statement.

I see a world

That is so undeserving.

Soon I will

Set a spell,

Ending it quickly.

Sephiroth's arriving,

Soon he'll be arriving here.

(He's arriving!), He's arriving,

(He's arriving!), He's arriving,

(He's arriving, don't you know!)

I know he rules, but no believes me.

Soon he will rule, and they all will believe me.

But it's too late, there is evil on their plate.

People come, people go.

Only Sephy stays.

He will not go,

No he will never go.

(Yes he will!)

I will not,

I will not ever leave.

(Yes, you will!)

I am not

Ever gonna lose.

(Yes, you are!)

Never gonna lose.

(Yes, you are!)

Never gonna lose.

I have arrived!

(No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!)

Come all to me, come all to me-a!

To the evil Sephiroth!

He is the king

Of the world, and he is back for me.

For me…

For me!

So you think you can fight me,

And win every time?

So you think you are

So good, you won't even try?

Woah, Sephy…

This Cloud isn't easy.

You will come down,

'Cause I'm not fighting with fear.

Cloud I'm really flattered

That you'd look for me.

But it's time to battle,

Mother wins the battle…

…For me.


	11. Tseng's Creation

Note: This parody is about Cait Sith.

**Tseng's Creation- A parody of "Superman (It's Not Easy)" by Five For Fighting**

I can't help but lie,

It comes easily.

The key stone was bright.

I gave it to Tseng.

I know I'm the last

That you would expect

To turn around

Everything that we had seen,

But it's not even

How it might seem.

I wish that I could cry

Deep inside of me.

But I'm just a shell,

Living in a hellish dream.

Go ahead and cuss,

Point fingers at me.

But I have motives that

You'll never see.

I'm lower than dust,

What more can I be?

I could never say,

C'est la vie,

But I'm not even

Who I might seem.

Cloud said I'm so low,

So low, I fear

That he's not right.

I'm not the kind to fight.

I'm not evil,

Or anything.

I can't stand the light.

I'm not a ShinRa thief.

I don't have a price,

And Cloud's not one to speak.

You're right to be mad,

And you'll never see

The reason I pick a fight

With no one,

I know there are plans

Somewhere for me,

Showing what's inside of me,

And now I think

That I'm not me.

Wherever you land,

I'll follow your lead,

I'll play in the sand

While you swim the sea.

I'm your greatest fan,

So just let me be,

'Cause I'm not even…

I'm not even…

My own…

Mind.


	12. Wall Market

Note: This parody is about the classic scene in Wall Market where Cloud has to dress like a woman.

**Wall Market- A parody of "That's What You Get" by Paramore**

No sir,

I cannot recall my name, not anymore.

You sir,

Will you make me a dress that I can afford.

Why do I have to put this on,

I don't feel straight.

You will make me hotter for a put-on

And why? To make Corneo fall for it,

I'll lie so long.

That's what he does in Wall Market

That's what he does in Wall Market

Cloud Strife is a girl today,

To get Tifa back.

And that's what he does in Wall Market.

Down under,

How am I supposed to feel,

When something's there?

Tifa,

All the bras you've given me

Come down to here,

And I cry,

Knowing that your best part

Only hurts.

Why, of all the possibilities,

Is Tifa third?

That's what he does in Wall Market

That's what he does in Wall Market

Cloud Strife is a girl today,

To get Tifa back.

And that's what he does in Wall Market.

Cloud, make your way to me, to me,

Lie here with me.

You're so delighting.

No, no, don't even think..

Corneo, I'm not what you think..

Not what you think..hey!

Why, I have lied to save my friends,

And I tell you now, I am a guy.

That's what he does in Wall Market

That's what he does in Wall Market

Cloud Strife is a girl today,

To get Tifa back.

And that's what he does in Wall Market


	13. Rufus' Inauguration Speech

(Thankx, MysticSpiritus, for your review. I have been coming up with these parodies for years before I found out about so I'll continue to pull them out of my hat, as long as there is an interest for them. But then again, at 150 hits in half a day, I think it's going fairly well.)

Note: This parody is about President Rufus.

Challenge Note: If there is anyone out there who would like to request a song for me to parody, then send me a message. I'm up for any kind of challenge.

**Rufus' Inauguration Speech- A parody of "Another Brick In The Wall, Pt. 2" by Pink Floyd**

We need much more ammunition.

ShinRa's now in my control.

Sephiroth will soon be captured.

Avalanche will be no more.

Cloud, listen, I am not alone.

At the end of the day, I will make sure you fall.

Even by Sephy's way, I am sure you will fall.

We need all your ammunition.

Midgar's now in my control.

Sephiroth has now been captured.

Avalanche is now no more.

Rude! Reno! Prove I'm not alone!

At the end of the day, Cloud has no chance at all.

Even if Aeris prays, he has no chance at all.


	14. I Am Fanservice

Note: This parody is about the reason why Tifa is on Final Fantasy 7. I know that this one is kinda risqué, but it's not that bad.

**I Am Fanservice- A parody of "I Am A Servant" by Larry Norman**

I am fanservice.

I am only just a babe.

I'm Tifa Lockheart.

All the males know my name,

And I'm so worried

That I am bringing down my fame.

But when I'm lonely,

Oh, I have to play that game.

I am fanservice.

I was made to inspire awe.

I've been a bad girl,

So I bend down in the hall

So you can use me, and give your all.

I have a problem, I admit as garments fall.

But you feed my need,

My pleasure greed,

And you show you really love me.

I might feel happy now,

But I'll make a vow

That I'll stop flirting quickly.

But by midnight,

I am lonely.

I am fanservice, and I don't know what to do.

There's much confusion

Buried deep, so I don't know

What to be doing.

Do I stay, or do I go?

I need attention,  
But I also need to show

That I can live life with no

Unpure acts in me, but no,

I am fanservice.


	15. If Sephy Had Ruled

Note: This parody is describes how everyone's favorite heroes would have fared if Sephiroth had his way.

**If Sephy Had Ruled- A parody of "Pepper" by The Butthole Surfers**

Sephy fought Cloud.

Cloud was badly beaten,

And the Mako in him 'sploded.

So did he, while he was eating.

Tifa couldn't stop the tears,

And so she tried to drown 'em,

But the wine that she abused

Attacked her gentle Hypothalum'.

Aeris was a flower girl,

Who fed a Soldier's cravin',

But Sephiroth impaled her

With a sword while she was prayin'.

They all had Geostigma,

But they didn't care about it,

Their storyline was number one,

And you can't live without it.

Why, oh why,

Would someone die

If it was just a game?

Why then kill the entire crew

To take your place in fame?

Sephiroth from Nibelheim

Will always be alive.

And this here song is all about

How all the heroes died.

Barret got alone and said,

"I gotta split my losses",

And then he really botched up

An arm-removal process.

Vincent was exposed to be

A vampire of the light,

And he was shot and killed

By a victim in the night.

(Repeat Chorus)

Yuffie got into a fight

With Rude in a back alley,

She was just another ninja

He could add onto his tally.

Reno saw the awful sight

And he was quite confused,

"Do I save the one I like,

Or do I back up Rude?"

He made up his decision,

And he came out guns-a-blazing.

Lo and behold, everybody

Got some kind of bullet grazing.

Reno saw the blood he'd shed,

And shot right through his bladder.

His suicide was evidence,

He couldn't live without her.

(Repeat Chorus)


	16. Aeris' Last Moments

Aeris' Last Moments- A parody of "How can we see that far" by Amy Grant

First Verse-

I said my prayers by the waterlight.  
With folded hands, I was asking,  
'Why have you come?'

I noticed that you had Jenova cells.  
I prayed, "Ifalna, will you help us out  
when he comes?"

Chorus-

But then Ifalna said,  
"The day's done,  
so just relax. This is the way  
that the safe rain  
will make sure that  
you'll be okay,  
and the mighty man  
will knock you down, so lean into it  
and dry your tears away.

Second Verse-

And when he broke me,  
it was just alright.  
A flash of light in the night,  
the Lifestream had come.  
Yeah, Cloud's deserted,  
asking if I cared.  
And still he muses,  
asking, "Tifa, why was she there?"

Bridge-

I have died,  
now I live.  
Cloud is hurting very badly for me.  
He thinks I do not live,  
and now Tifa is his new girlfriend.  
But his mind won't forget me until the end,  
And oh, I can not…  
…I can not take that part.


	17. Second Disc Announcement

Thank you for enjoying these parodies. I hope you liked them almost as much as I did. Now, I know that 'Final Parody' isn't a real band, and someone has probably used the name already, but either way, it's probably the only case in the world in which there was a greatest hits before there was an original recording.

If you're wondering, you have reached the end of this Greatest Hits 'CD'. But not to fear, another set of songs is coming very soon. (This week, in fact.)

If you liked Final Parody's Greatest Hits…

…And you're a fan of classic rock music…

…Then you will love the new release from Final Parody…

…Coming to a Fan Fiction Page near you…

…On Saturday, May 24…

…**Final Parody 2: Back With Zack…**

…There's one thing that Sephiroth and Cloud didn't count on…

…Aeris can rock!!...

…Featuring parodies of songs by such classic bands as AC/DC, Green Day, My Chemical Romance, Eagles, Led Zeppelin, Whitesnake, and many more, 'Back 

With Zack' will leave you wanting more as you chronicle the young cetra's change from flowers and Holy to leather and motorcycles…

…Be there, for the ride of your life…

…May 24.


End file.
